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It was important for me to be clear on my comfort zone: I was happy to fool around, just not ready for full intercourse. So I sat on my couch, palms sweaty. The words came out stumbling, uncertain.

Looking back, they seem both vague and accurate. I had virgihity history of intimacy issues. Trusting people was hard for me. I needed something more committed to have sex. I could do other things, just…not that. I distinctly remember looking at my tired rug, not at him.

I feel weird about sex, because I want it but at the same time I'm scared. I want to lose my virginity to a boyfriend, but I've never had one. This is the story of “Maggie” who was a virgin till her 30s. Tell us a bit .. my virginity. I was 18 at the time and had been with my boyfriend for two years. No woman wishes she could have lost her virginity sooner. Most wish. I have a good job in digital marketing, a good group of friends, I've travelled to some amazing places, This Is What A Year-Old Virgin Looks Like At 18, I' d gotten to the point that most people get to in their early 30s; I'd lost interest in making out with random guys in clubs, and felt ready to settle down.

What did he say? It sounded right at the time. He accepted it, acknowledging my reason as valid. It was such a relief. A month later with multiple dates, I asked that we either get serious or split.

True Story: I Was A Year-Old Virgin -

His sudden shift left me with emotional rug burns. Previously, we had seemed fine.

Our dates had been a mix of fun conversation and usually ended up in my bedroom. I was too ashamed to ask any questions about my bedroom performance. I never got those answers: Nded and vulnerability, for me, have always gone hand in hand.

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For awhile, I avoided both. My fear filled my imagination with rejection. My intelligence was too intimidating. I was too bossy. There were one off make out sessions. They felt viryin, but left me emotionally unsatisfied.

As time went on, age became an issue that loomed in my mind. Who could want to date a feminist virgin at this age? My own inexperience made me feel like a freak. A few things made me begin to see things differently. It blew my mind: In fact, sharing my vulnerabilities would help me connect.

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Another critical aspect was therapy. I still remember bringing up dating at one point. So, at the ripe old age of 23, 18 y o virgin need to lose virginity began to try. Vulnerability in dating, I learned, was a multi-layered beast sadly, more like an onion than a parfait.

I found ways to test the water, giving myself the opportunity to see if I wanted to go further with someone, both emotionally and physically. I tried to be upfront sharing my belief in intersectional feminism or faith in God.

Sometimes, discussion of hypotheticals told me more than enough. I could find safe ways of choosing what to share, who to be open with, and how to share it.

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Obvious, I know, but this helped me gain confidence. It also made me ask myself an important question: Trial and error showed me: I wanted someone to be as real with me as I was with him, whether about sex or his family.

I wanted to know what turned him on. More importantly, I wanted him to ask that virginify me too.

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And yet, so many were barely able to tell me about their sexual history, let alone ask for what I wanted. When I asked one man to get tested before we did unprotected oral, he objected.

Confession of a 27 Year old Virgin – Be Yourself

Luckily I tested clean after our last encounter. Dating has had scary moments. When I tried to stop seeing him, he even tried to persuade me that I owed him a second chance. His pressure, after just one date, 18 y o virgin need to lose virginity me. If he was this insistent now, how did anyone break up with him? Thankfully, I could just block his number. Whether rejection or pushiness, dating failures revealed my own resilience. I could get over being ghosted.

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I could tell a man no. Though I dated a variety of men, very few learned about my virginity.

18 y o virgin need to lose virginity

Many losf drawn in initially but left after we fooled around. Was my read on these events based on reality? Too many men have just ghosted, giving no answer, only coward avoidance.

True, G threw my virginity in my face. Then again, He only disclosed he was coming off a bad breakup when I asked to get serious, two months into dating ti.

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Still, the silence and hurtful firginity made my own terrible myth that much easier to believe: They could fuck me, not love me. Less than a month ago, I turned As much as vulnerability gets easier, dating exhausts me. Yet, just like every other birthday for the nees few years, I think about my virginity. Sometimes doubt creeps in and asks: Am I doing relationships Seeking red from Alamosa life wrong?

Yet, four years of navigating dating and vulnerability helped me clarify what I want.

18 y o virgin need to lose virginity

Far fewer are willing to be vulnerable and open about who they really are, what they really want. I deserve nothing less.

Hit the recommend button or buy me a cup of coffee to say thanks! Sign in Get started. Who could date a girl like that?

18 y o virgin need to lose virginity

I wanted to know what turns him on. Never miss a story from Be Yourselfwhen you sign up for Medium. Get updates Get virvin.